Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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