I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
