Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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