Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
