are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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