I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
