Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
