Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
