just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
