so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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