How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
