I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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