He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
