but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
