What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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