I think I died a long time ago.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
