he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
