We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
