ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
