Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
