Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
