I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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