Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
