You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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