You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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