Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
