I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
