she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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