You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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