I cannot find my penis.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
