That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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