wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
