um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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