So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
