Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
