This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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