sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
