I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
