so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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