so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
