Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
