He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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