I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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