you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
