I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
