And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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