getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
