he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
