Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
