I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
