we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
