Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
