k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
