I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
