Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
