I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
