if you like me you must not know who I am
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
