I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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