so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
