Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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