I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
