it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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