I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
