Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Alive.
So much puke
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
