miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
