3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
