Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
