drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
