Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
