In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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