The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
