He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
