He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
