It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
