So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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