be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
