Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
