Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
