you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want a musical about memes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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