i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm passing your future prison.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
