I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
