please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
