first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
only if we run a train.
done.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
