I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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